PCP Sports

by John Ryan

In my busyness (editor’s note: Go back to sleep old man, you’ve got a long day of drinking and beating the shi* out of me tomorrow), I neglected to fire off a ramblings early in the week. Because of this travesty, you get a preview of the coming weekend as opposed to a recap. Off we go………

1.) The NY Daily News is Reporting Plaxico Burress is having a rough first week in prison. I gotta say this right off the bat: I think it’s hilarious. He’s a 6’6″ NFL player, and yet he is probably scared to death. While I won’t say prison is a joke, I just keep

thinking the situation is a joke. He shot himself in the leg (what irony) and he winds up getting two years in prison. Meanwhile, the following people have served less or no prison sentences: OJ Simpson, Donte Stallworth, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis. Quite a list. I wonder if he is having a rough time because in Rykers Island, the majority of the inmates are probably Jets fans, or is it because “Boggs” and the “Sistas” found him in there and want to know his sexual orientation. I guarantee you, though, two things will never happen again after this day: Plax will never catch another NFL pass, and Boggs and the Sistas will have instant street cred in prison. Is raping an NFL player (and one who’s 6’6″ for God’s sake!) the most incredible thing an inmate could do? What would be more brag worthy in the surreal world of prison? Hope I never get the answer to that trivia question the hard way………

2.) Brad Lidge has 11 blown saves, and some people are under a silly assumption he should still be closing because…..there is no one else qualified. That’s just insane. The big problem is that yes, there is no one really qualified for this job. But how can you justify sending Lidge out there only based on that kind of logic? You can’t because it’s stupid. Repeat after me: STUPID. Look, I’m not saying any of the internal candidates the Phils have are better, I’m just saying it’s past the point of not finding out. Lidge can’t do it. We know this for definitely sure now. So, let’s see if anyone actually CAN do this job now. Charlie Manuel seemed to indicate Tyler Walker (22 saves in 2005 for the San Francisco Giants) may get a shot. I say: Why not? It can’t be worse than Lidge, it simply can’t. He has a mid-7′s ERA in an era when closers lose their job with a high-4′s ERA. So I say try anyone out there, just don’t use Lidge anymore just because you think he’s the only guy that can close. Just because he’s a closer by definition doesn’t mean he should still be trotted out there if he’s completely ineffective and hurting his team. This is a problem………

3.) The following teams look pretty good this year in College Football: Michigan, and Miami. Two former powerhouses jockeying to capture the nation’s imagination again, and I have to admit that as much as I hate one of those teams (hint: rhymes with Shishigan) it is exciting to have traditional powerhouses playing well again. I’m just not a big fan of when teams like BYU, Louisville, Boise State, USF, and Utah are relevant. I like when Oklahoma, Miami, Notre Dame, Alabama, Texas, USC, Michigan, Penn State, etc. rule the college football world. Pains me to say that last paragraph considering I went to a non-descript D-I school that was I-AA as little as 4 years ago, and will probably never make it to a BCS bowl (at least not in my lifetime). But I’ll take the Gaylord City Music Bowl every year over having nothing to watch circa December 22/23.

4.) I’ve decided to update a 2007 post I made regarding Coaches/Players I’d hate to see coming out of a bathroom when i’m

walking in. And I’m going to put together a whole other article by itself, but for now, here’s a few names I’ve been thinking about (or should I say here’s some faces that are terrifying to me to think about) : Rex Ryan/Rob Ryan/Buddy Ryan, Tony Sparano, Stan Van Gundy, That rookie tackle on the Cincy Bengals whose name I can’t remember (editor’s note: Andre Smith) but who has larger breasts than Pamela Anderson, etc. I will release an entire article on this and some other terrible visuals coming soon. For now, picture the scene in “Austin Powers In: Goldmember” where “Fat Bastard” comes out of the bathroom sweaty and bothered. Now put the aforementioned faces on his body and you catch my drift.

5.) A Few Final Rambles……..I knew South Carolina was going to win last night, I just knew it. After all these years i’m still on the fence about Steve Spurrier. Do I like him or do I hate him? Is he a genius or just merely good? Does he try and mimic Dan Aykroyd circa 1981 with his hair or Rick Moranis now????? The new 90210 is quickly becoming a favorite despite the fact that the storylines are juvenile and washed up, the actors can’t act, and it’s more predictable than the last 30 seconds of any game Michael Jordan played in and was behind by less than 4 from 1993-1996………..NASCAR will never grow on me, so stop emailing me and trying to get me to ramble about it. Not happening……..Atlanta has 10 games left, 7 of which vs. the Nationals. Just saying……..The 76ers new duds were unveiled this week and I was pleased. I loved their retro looks, and these are so much better than that generic crap they’ve been running around in for the past several seasons……..The Flyers have looked pretty decent thus far in exhibition play, but I’ll believe it when they win in the playoffs………I’m almost through with Melrose Place. I’m trying. I’m trying real hard. I just can’t get roped in.