PCP Sports

by Kevin Collins

Last time we took a gander at the best dressed teams in sports.  Today, we are taking the opposite route.  These are the uniforms that must have been designed by Todd Pinkston when he had the sun in his eyes.  I don’t know what these teams could have possibly been thinking when they thought up some of these threads.  I really want to meet the men and women who OK’ed these uniforms at the team meetings and actually thought they were good ideas.

Sure teams want to get as many unique uniforms out there as possible.  Why? – so fans like you and me will go out and purchase these authentic, or replica jerseys to show our support for our favorite team.  In reality, its all about turning a profit.  If a  franchise can throw out a new uniform every three years, whether it be sharp or hideous, they will give it the okay, in hopes of fans buying more and more merchandise, thickening the teams’ executives’ already padded pockets.  Let’s begin.

Let me warn you.  The images you are about to see are not for the faint of heart.  If graphic images scare you, then look away and stop reading this entry.  Some of these uniforms are so awful, I can not actually rank which are worse than the others.  So instead of a top ten, I have just singled out the most awful, leaving the others unranked.  Here we go…

Atlanta Braves (Road Alternate)
The Braves just introduced this uniform at the beginning of the 2008 season.  They actually wore it the first game of the season! (a no-no in sports, you don’t wear an alternate jersey opening day)  Just look at this thing.  One stares at it and wonders what it is missing.  The jersey seems incomplete for some reason.  Its just not good.

Seattle Seahawks (Home)
This thing is just terrible.  Who thought up that color?  I don’t even know what to call it.  Its not blue, and its not quite navy blue.  Its like someone spilled a can of gray dye into the blue that was already made.  The neon green trim is just idiotic.  Who thinks that looks good?  Plus that seahawk on the helmet and sleeve looks constipated.

Houston Rockets (Road)
YAAAAWN!  This is possibly the most boring uniform in all of sports.  What stands out about it?  It has no logo or feature that ties into Houston or a Rocket.  There isn’t really much to say about this one just because its so damn boring.

Arizona Diamondback (Home/Home Alternate)
These uniforms are also new to the 2008 season.  Thankfully Arizona did away with the awful purple and green combination that they had going on for years.  Unfortunately they didn’t really nail it this go-round either.  I like the black and red combo in sports, but the Diamondbacks just failed.  And has anyone else noticed that the “D-backs” logo on the chest could be misconstrued as another phrase at first glance?  As for the alternates, see the Houston Rockets.

Charlotte Bobcats (Road)
Wow, where to begin?  These things are an atrocity.  The orange is blinding, the design down the side is awful, the uniforms are bland, and did I mention the orange is blinding?  These things are the worst in the NBA.  I realize the Bobcats are new to the league, but that’s no excuse for these things.

New York Giants (Alternate)
The Giants nickname is “Big Blue.”  So why the hell do they have an all red uniform!!!  Some one, please explain this to me?  These are just really terrible uniforms.  Plus. it really does give me great please to include the Giants on this list.

Phoenix Suns (Road)
There should be a rule that prohibits gray from being used in anyway on any uniform…ever!  Purple can be justified in only the slightest of cases, and this is one where it is just flat out awful.  The orange trimming is just the icing on the cake – they are terrible.  And what’s with the “Suns” across the elastic in the shorts?  Sometimes unique is not cool.

Miami Dolphins (Alternate)
All of the Dolphins uniforms are ugly.  Period.  These orange alternates take the cake.  The orange is just completely overwhelming.  They might not be too bad if the socks weren’t so high and so orange.  That ugly teal green home jersey that Miami has may not be better, but at least its easier on the eyes.  Maybe the Dolphins are using them to distract their opponents.  If so, that would be their best weapon as a team.

Pittsburgh Pirates (Alternate)
Terrible.  Just Terrible.

The previous nine uniforms are all very, very ugly.  They should never have seen the light of day.  Luckily, these next uniforms are worn in a domed stadium (albeit retractable)

Toronto Blue Jays (Home Alternate)
I don’t even know where to start on this one.  First off, I understand the whole concept of bringing back throwback jerseys.  The Indians, Phillies, and Brewers all have done it this season.  At least those teams brought back a home uniform to wear at home.  Toronto decided to wear a road throwback at home.  It just looks ridiculous.  The uniform was a travesty 20 years ago, and it’s still a travesty today.  Crazy Canadians.

So there you have it.  Now you have seen my top ten favorite, and least favorite uniforms in sports.  I have left out the NHL Reebok Edge jerseys because they are all terrible. They just need to go.  So lets hear which ones I missed, or let me know if you actually like any of these monstrosities.